Most of you reading this know that I’m heading to Wrestlemania XXVII in just a matter of days. For the first time ever Wrestlemania is being held in my home state of Georgia, and I’ve had my tickets ordered for months now. Growing up as a huge wrestling fan, Wrestlemania XXVII is the culmination of 20 years of waiting for me. It’s the climax of a huge portion of my life story.
For 20 years I’ve dreamed of the day that Wrestlemania would take place in Georgia, hoping that one day it might really happen. Now that it is I’m overwhelmed with excitement. I’ve been watching all the 26 other Wrestlemanias day by day in anticipation. But even as my excitement level increases by the hour, I can’t help but feel a tinge of sadness as well. For 20 years I’ve dreamed of going to Wrestlemania in Atlanta, but I kind of always hoped that by the time it happened I would be on the card and not just in the audience.
When I was in elementary school we did a project called a dream jar. I think my mom still has mine packed away somewhere. Inside the glass jar we were told to create a diorama of sorts of what we dreamed of being when we grew up. Mine looked a lot like this:
I think it was this exact picture of Ric Flair and Randy Savage that made it into my dream jar (of course the picture I placed on Ric Flair’s body didn’t have a beard back then). The goal I had in the third grade was to make it to the main event of Wrestlemania.
That’s where I thought my story might go. Obviously that’s not going to happen any time soon, and it’s no real surprise to me to realize that. But having wrestling on my mind more than ever these past few weeks, my failure to realize my dream has been constantly on my mind. At times I’ve felt myself questioning God, wondering why it is that my story hasn’t gone the way I expected it to, asking him if he really knows what he’s doing, if I’m stuck in the wrong story.
Have you ever felt like you were a character in the wrong story? Or maybe you’ve felt like the story you’re living with your life isn’t going exactly as you thought it might. Kind of like Buzz Lightyear in the very first “Tory Story” movie, who thought he was a real-life space hero and had a hard time grappling with the fact that he was “just a toy.”
I think we’ve all been confused by the story that God is telling with our lives at some point or another. For the entirety of time, God has been telling the story of humanity redeemed. He has been telling a love story, a story about rescuing his creation. He has been telling a story of a love so strong that He is willing to sacrifice his son just to be with us.
Some of us, I think, don’t feel like we belong in a story like this. Some us feel like we don’t deserve all of this love and sacrifice. Some of us feel guilty that God gives so much for us and we have so little left to give back in return.
Others, I think, don’t feel the guilt. There are some of us who accept all of this grace. People who get what God is trying to do, who understand that we don’t deserve God’s love but accept that He wants to give it freely. Often these people who accept what God is trying to do are wondering when exactly He’s going to come through. People who wonder where exactly all of this love and joy and peace and happiness is that God has promised. Maybe you’re one of these people, someone who feels like God isn’t a man of His word.
If you’ve ever identified with one of the two groups of people above, if you’ve ever felt those emotions, than you can empathize with one or both of the two sons in the story Jesus tells in Luke chapter 15. (Rob Bell does a great job of breaking down this story in his new book Love Wins, and I highly recommend that you check it out for a deeper discussion).
In this parable Jesus tells the story of a father’s love for his two sons. The younger son is greedy. He does not want to wait for his father to die to receive his inheritance. The young son wants his money now. The father, being a gracious and loving father, gives his son what he asks for.
Taking his money and running off to the city, the young son blows his inheritance quickly on parties and women and temporary pleasures. A short time later he is reduced to working on a farm in the lowliest of jobs, cleaning the troughs where the pigs dine. One day, as he’s cleaning out the slop, he has a moment of clarity.
So he had this moment of self-reflection: “What am I doing here? Back home my father’s servants have plenty of food. Why am I here starving to death? I’ll get up and return to my father, and I’ll say, ‘Father, I have done wrong – wrong against God and against you. I have forfeited any right to be treated like your son, but I’m wondering if you’d treat me as one of your hired servants?’” (Luke 15:17-19 The Voice)
The young son feels guilty. He wants to come back to his loving father, but he does not feel that he deserves his father’s love. He feels like he must come on his knees and beg to serve for his father to even have a chance to be allowed back home.
When the young son finally heads home, his father is there to tell him that his mindset is wrong.
So he got up and returned to his father. The father looked off into the distance and saw the young man returning. He felt compassion for his son and ran out to him, enfolded him in an embrace, and kissed him.
The son said, “Father, I have done a terrible wrong in God’s sight and in your sight too. I have forfeited any right to be treated as your son.”
But the father turned to his servants and said, “Quick! Bring the best robe we have and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and shoes on his feet. Go get the fattest calf and butcher it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate…” (Luke 15:20-23 The Voice)
The father tells his young son that he is wrong. In fact, he practically ignores the son’s apology, runs to meet him in the road, and begs him to come inside for a party in the son’s honor! The father isn’t looking for apologies, he just wants to shower his son with love and affection.
The older son is a different story. The older son has been nothing but obedient to his father. He has always obeyed his father’s commands, always put family first, always worked hard out in the fields.
When the older son, who was no doubt ashamed of his younger brother’s actions, hears about the homecoming his brother is receiving, he loses his cool.
Now the man’s older son was still out in the fields working. He came home at the end of the day and heard music and dancing. He called one of the servants and asked what was going on. The servant said, “Your brother has returned, and your father has butchered the fattest calf to celebrate his safe return.”
The older brother got really angry and refused to come inside, so his father came out and pleaded with him to join the celebration. But he argued back, “Listen, all these years I’ve worked hard for you. I’ve never disobeyed one of your orders. But how many times have you even given me a little goat to roast for a party with my friends? Not once! This is not fair! So this son of yours comes, this wasteful delinquent who has spent your hard-earned wealth on loose women, and what do you do? You butcher the fattest calf from our herd!” (Luke 15:25-30 The Voice)
The older son is understandably upset. He has been a model son for years, yet it seems he’s never received the kind of celebration his screwup of a younger brother is getting just for coming home and coming to his senses. The older son feels unloved, that it’s unfair that his brother receives the finest calf on his plate while he’s never been given so much as a little goat to eat with his friends.
In response, the father tells his eldest son that he’s right. His love toward his brother is unfair. But so is the love he gives to him.
The father replied, “My son, you are always with me, and all I have is yours. Isn’t it right to join in the celebration and be happy? This is your brother we’re talking about. He was dead is alive again; he was lost and is found again.” (Luke 15:31-32 The Voice)
The father explains to the older son that he could have had everything the younger son is receiving if only he would have asked for it. The older son expected everything to be handed to him, that simply being a good son would be enough. If he would have just opened his eyes and realized how much his father loved him, the older son would have seen that he could have had it all as well.
Both brothers are characters in stories they have created for themselves, but neither are characters in the correct story. Both brothers are missing the magnitude of their father’s love. Both brothers see themselves as victims, when in reality their father is openly giving them everything they could ever dream of.
This parable shows that Jesus died for our past, our future, and our present. He died so that our mistakes in the past, like the younger brother’s greed, could be forgiven. He died so that our future would be taken care of. And He died so that we could live life to the fullest now, today.
Sometimes, like the two brothers, we try to write our own twisted, dissatisfying, warped version of the story God has laid out for us. We cast ourselves as the main characters, victimized by the world around us, undeserving of God’s love, ungrateful for all that He offers us. Why do we do this to ourselves? Why can’t we see the story God is creating instead?
I think I identify more with the older brother in this story. As I’ve been wrestling with my notions of headlining Wrestlemania, I’ve found myself frustrated with God, wondering if He’s really a man of His word. I’ve been asking God, “If you love me so much, why am I not doing what I always dreamed of? Why am I not a pro wrestler? Why am I 25, still single, without the family I though I’d have, without the money I thought I’d have, without the job I’ve always wanted since I was a kid?”
As I read through this story of the prodigal son again, and as I read Rob Bell’s breakdown of it, my eyes were opened to the father’s words to the older son: “You are always with me, and all I have is yours.” Perhaps, amidst my greed and jealousy, I was missing something special that God was giving me.
And then it hit me.
Part of my preparation for Wrestlemania has been changing my Facebook profile picture every few days. On my computer are countless pictures of my friends and me at various wrestling events through the years, dressing up as wrestlers for halloween, and filming our own backyard wrestling movies. As I was flipping through these pictures to find the best ones to feature on my Facebook page, I began to see a different story that God was telling.
These pictures tell the story of these wonderful people that God has placed in my life. The story of my closest friends. The story of family members loving me enough to indulge my silly obsession. The story of the countless memories we’ve shared together watching wrestling, talking about wrestling, playing wrestling video games, trying to meet wrestlers, trying to be wrestlers. The inside jokes. The bonds that have been built over a spandex soap opera. The bonds that are so much deeper than wrestling, that have grown into the most important relationships in my life.
All this time I’ve been upset about my story. I’ve been frustrated that this character I’ve created is stuck in the wrong story. In reality God has been with me this whole time. All the love and joy and happiness he has promised has been right there in these relationships and memories.
Each one of us has a choice. The choice to live life as a victim, or to celebrate each moment. Will we try to write our own story, thinking we’re not good enough to receive God’s love or wondering where God’s love is? Or will we take the advice of the great editor, who reassures us time and time again that, “You are always with me, and all I have is yours”?
