Have you ever heard the expression “Win or Go Home”? It’s a common one used this time of the year with such events as the March Madness Basketball tournament and the culmination of each season of the Real World/Road Rules Challenge, among other things. The expression is usually used when speaking of elimination games or tournaments, where if you don’t win your next event then you might as well just go home, since there’s nothing left for you. In the expression “Win or Go Home”, going home is equivalent to losing. Only losers go home; winners keep on playing, winners do not retreat.
I sure felt like a loser when I had to move back home a few years ago. I first moved out of my parents’ house in 2007. For one year I lived with a good friend of mine in my first apartment. It was the first time for both of us to be out on our own, and we had a great time getting our first experience of adult life. Sure there were struggles, times when we ended up eating peanut butter for dinner because we’d spent too much of our money on dvds and video games, times when I wished my mom would come clean up after us, etc. But after getting that taste of living out on my own, I never wanted to go back to being under my parents’ roof. One year later, though, the dream was over.
My roommate was quitting his job to focus more on school, and I didn’t have a job at the time, so we weren’t able to keep up the rent for the apartment. Only a year after moving out I was back unpacking my boxes in my old room. Mom and Dad were great about it; they had no problem taking me back in. And there were certainly some nice parts about coming home – the food, the cleaning, a nicer shower, the ability to save up some money. But I couldn’t help but feel like a failure. I felt like since I was coming home I must be a loser. I wasn’t able to succeed out on my own.
I think Jesus might have felt this way during his final days on earth. God sent Jesus to earth to proclaim his love for mankind and to rescue use from our sin. During his 30 or so years here Jesus lived a full life, not to mention a fully human life. What I mean by fully human is that he experienced life the way we do. He made friends and relationships during this time. He ate food with other people, he shared experiences, he listened to jokes (and maybe even told some). He formed bonds with others. Do you think that Jesus might have been sad about leaving all this behind when his time came to go back to be with his father on that Good Friday?
You can sense the pain and despair in Jesus’s heart when you read about his final hours. When we see him praying in the garden before he is arrested, he cries out to God asking for another way to accomplish God’s will. Jesus wants to serve his father, but he’s not overjoyed about being taken away from his friends and disciples, and he’s certainly not overjoyed about the way he knows he is going to go out. I don’t know if Jesus felt like he was losing by going home, but I think part of him wished it didn’t have to go down the way it did. I think part of him hoped he could succeed in another way.
I think Stephen felt the same way. In the 7th chapter of Acts, Stephen was taken in front of a council of nonbelievers and forced to give account for his actions in supporting Jesus. Stephen was a devout follower of The Way, he was a believer in Christ, and he had surrendered his life to the early movement of spreading Jesus’s message. The 7th chapter of Acts is Stephen’s testimony, and it’s a thing of beauty. Stephen boldly proclaims the message of God’s love for all people in front of the doubters, knowing that his life is on the line. Indeed, it’s the last testimony that he will ever give as upon hearing his message he is stoned to death by those who don’t want to hear it. Do you think he felt like a loser, knowing that he was losing his life and thus going home? It’s hard to say. I think Stephen was faithful that he was doing the right thing. But I know for me there’d be some tinge of regret, some thought that I had done something wrong by risking my life. Some thought that I’ve thrown away years of my life that God could have used by risking my life this way. It would be hard not to entertain the thought that I was losing by going home.
The magic in the stories of Jesus and Stephen is that what looks like losing to most people is actually winning. When Jesus died upon that cross, it looked to so many of those watching like he was losing his battle. The broken body of Christ drooping on the splintered wood looked like the end of his battle to the naked eye. Looks can be deceiving. In reality Christ’s death was a victory over sin. His resurrection showed that the life that God offers conquers death. Without the loss of Jesus’s life, we could never experience the win of eternal life.
Stephen’s story of going home is also a secret victory. Though his testimony did little to sway those he knew he was talking to, it did have an impact on a certain person he may not have even realized was around. Acts 7 ends with Stephen’s body being torn and his clothes being ripped and laid at the feet of a spectator. It’s like a scene from a movie: the clothes are tossed toward someone’s feet, and the camera slowly pans up to see a smirk upon the face of someone we know is going to be an important character. The man’s name is Saul.
Saul is still a villain in this part of the story. He is part of the group who wants Stephen dead. He is one of the people who wants Jesus’s message extinguished. But just a short time later Saul is converted. He becomes a believer. A new faith is born within him. He becomes a new man. And Stephen’s death, what looked like a loss to so many others, is part of what speaks to Saul. Stephen going home is a win, not a loss, in that it helps Saul become the man who would do so much in spreading God’s love.
What looks like losing is not always what it seems. What looks like losing to you may really be a win in God’s eyes. A loss is not always the end of the story that God is telling. Going home does not always equate to losing. Going home for Jesus and Stephen was a winning thing for both of them to do. Going home can be a victorious moment for you as well. Just as the prodigal son did, each of us must stop thinking we can do things on our own and go home. Each of us must recognize that we don’t have to do things on our own, and that there’s no shame in going home to his loving arms. God’s strength and God’s love for us are good and powerful things, and we should embrace these things rather than run from them.
I don’t always feel like I’m in winning in my job. I struggle with doubts and insecurities as I minister to students, children, and families. I wonder if what I’m doing truly has any impact. I question if I’m really doing anything right. My office is a mess. I’m bad with money. My plans often fall through. My messages feel more like strike-outs than home runs. But I trust that God is working on another level than me. I trust that he is doing something beyond what I can see. I have faith that even though I feel like I’m losing, God is in control, and he is winning. He is always victorious. Every day I must come home to that victory. Every day I must rest in those comforting arms and rejoice in his promises. Every day I must recognize that I can’t do things on my own, and that there is no shame in coming home to my Father. The sacrifice of Jesus makes it all possible, and I take comfort in that. My prayer is that you will do the same.
